


Helpless

by thegillovnyway



Category: The X-Files RPF
Genre: F/M, the cutting room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 02:34:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14843972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegillovnyway/pseuds/thegillovnyway
Summary: It’s been three years since The Cutting Room concert. Do they remember?





	Helpless

He remembers his kids’ birthdays, his mother’s, his sister’s and his brother’s. David doesn’t need an app to tell him, not yet. Even Tea’s birthday is easy to remember, comes easily to him. Gillian. Well. That’s a given. There are other dates he remembers. His father’s death, or Garry’s. They’re stored right next to each other, the happy ones and the sad ones. Today is not an anniversary, not really. David doesn’t know what he’d call it. But it’s one of these dates, one he can’t get out of his mind. A day he remembers. It’s May 12th. It was on this day today three years ago when he and Gillian…

David trails off. Instead of thoughts, his mind fills with music. It starts out as his own; a familiar feeling these days that makes him want to hum. But it changes and takes on a new form. Helpless, helpless, helpless. David hums and can’t stop. The song is stuck in his head. It’s been too long. He doesn’t remember the specifics. Gillian was there and that’s all that mattered then, it’s all that he thinks of now. Gillian was there. With him. For him. It’s been three years and today, on this strange anniversary that really isn’t one, he thinks of it, thinks of her. Misses what they had then. Wonders how they got here. David grabs his phone in an absent-minded fashion. He shouldn’t text her, not now. But his brain doesn’t let go and hangs on helplessly singing ‘helpless, helpless, helpless’. He’s a slave to his desires, to his never ending love for her. Whatever shape or form, it’s forever there running through his veins; his blood is tainted with the memory of her.

'Helpless, helpless, helpless, helpless. Babe, can you hear me now?’ Hey, remember that night? Love, D.’

He waits. Hours pass. His phone buzzes; Monique calls him, West, too. Radio silence from Gillian. David waits. He doesn’t know where she is, what time zone she lives and sleeps in these days. With her, you never do. At some point he gives up. There’s nothing else to do. It’s not an anniversary of any kind anyway. No birthday, no one died. Just a night like any other. Just two friends singing together. Nothing to see here. She’s moved on. They both have. Some days he thinks he’s moving backwards. Today he is.

It’s late when a new message blinks at him. It’s from her. David picks up his phone and reads it, his heart doing somersaults.

'I feel helpless, too.’

David stares at the short message longer than necessary. Does she remember? Does she? Helpless. He feels so helpless. Without her here, without her in his life. There was a time when they texted daily, hourly. Couldn’t wait to see each other, hear each other. Touch each other, too. He remembers kissing her. The pride. What a silly, macho feeling that is. He’s always wanted to kiss her like that, let everyone know what they were; that she was his. That night he did. He’d been kissing her all day, all week, as if to practice. She would giggle against his lips, loving it when he stole one in between moments. He thinks back to that night now. How the audience roared and cheered. But in that moment when she smiled at him and came closer all he saw was her, all he heard was her familiar 'Hi’. The kiss was not one of passion. It was soft, not lingering. A quick kiss, an easy habit.

'How could I ever forget that night? It was special. Thinking of you tonight. G.’

He touches the words on his screen. Impersonal and so far away. He still doesn’t know where she is, who with and what she’s doing. It’s no longer his place to know or to ask. David takes solace in the thought that she’s happy. She must be. She remembers that night. It was special; they were special. That night. All the stars aligned just for them. He doesn’t believe in that crap on average. Tonight he does. Three years ago there was a night, a special one. They sang Helpless feeling anything but. That night they were happy. That night they were. They just were.


End file.
